Reguluh Coffee Please Submitted by: Cassandra, New York
In New York City, it is customary to order your coffee Black, Light, Extra-Light, or Black-and-Sweet. However, coffee with milk and sugar is a "Regular Coffee."
After living in New York City for several years, I visited a town out west and ordered "regular coffee". They handed me, of course, black coffee. I forgot – outside of NYC, there is no such concept as "regular coffee."
Kind of like egg-creams (known elsewhere as "Italian Sodas" with soda water instead of seltzer!). I still don't know how coffee with milk and sugar became known as "regular coffee" except that maybe "that's how REGULUH GUYS drink it."
The Littlest Barista Submitted by: Dana Gifford
For a recent birthday, my wife bought me a convertible, a leather jacket, and an espresso machine.
Now I love to drive that car with the top down, it keeps me sane during traffic. I love that leather jacket when it's cold outside. I love my wife, what more can I say?
That espresso machine is something else, though. I love it more than the car (can't drive with the top down in the rain, but hot espresso on a rainy day, mmmmm. I love it more than the jacket, I mean the jacket is cool and all but an espresso first thing in the morning before work, mmmmmm. And as for my wife, without her I wouldn't have any of them.
We have 8 nieces and nephews who we are like grandparents to. We feed 'em candy when they visit, take 'em on trips, give 'em wild presents for birthdays and Christmas, etc. When my 6 year old niece Janina spied the espresso machine on the counter (did I mention that it's bright yellow) she was instantly fascinated.
"What is that, Uncle Duke?"
"That Nina, is an espresso machine, would you like to learn how it works?"
"Oh yes!"
So I showed her and now, whenever she is over and I say, "Nina, I'm feeling a wee bit parched", she says, acting all disgusted and inconvenienced, "Oh all right (big sigh), I'll make you an espresso."
And she does. It makes the other kids crazy because I won't show them how to use the machine. As a matter of fact, Nina knew how to use the machine before my wife did.
We used to call Janina "Nini bikini" because that is her swimwear of choice when she comes over to swim (9 different sets at last count).
Now we call her, "Nina barista."
How To Get Out of KP (Kitchen Patrol) Submitted by: Cheryl Schwartz
My dad told me a story about how, during World War II, he was assigned to "Kitchen Patrol" (KP). One particular day, his job to fill the coffee carafes and set them on each table. He saw these large vats and filled all of the carafes.
Within minutes of setting the carafes on the table, my dad heard a lot of screaming and saw men spitting all around him. An instant later, the cook ran out of the kitchen yelling, "Who drained the beets? My damn beets are burning."
With that, my Dad realized what he'd done. He had filled the carafes with beet water and not coffee! After the men got their "real" coffee, all was well in the mess hall. Needless to say, they never again asked Dad to fill coffee carafes. I suppose that's one way to get out of KP duty...
Toffee, Clea, or Me? Submitted by: Ruth Scheidler, Michigan
Years ago, as a young new teacher, I helped at parents' night by filling and pouring coffee and tea from two large silver (fancy ones – that's probably why I got in trouble) tea pots.
Unfortunately, it was a boring task, which is always my excuse to think about something else, and I totally lost track of which pot was which. I topped both pots off before realizing that I had created two pots, both with a mix of coffee AND tea.
Since school coffee is NOTORIOUSLY bad, it didn't seem that big a deal, so I asked people if they wanted "Toffee" or "Clea" just because it was fun to watch the look on their faces (remember I was bored).
But the joke was on me. They obediently got their cups filled, walked off drinking and eating the equally bad cookies, and never knew the difference. Maybe it improved the sorry lot!
Even a Bunn Takes a Vacation Now and Then Submitted by: Fred Jackson
I thought I lost my Bunn! Was I ever distraught.
I tried everything: a different outlet, the circuit breakers. Yet nothing would bring my Bunn back to life.
Oh no! I had to drink INSTANT COFFEE!!!
Then, as though inspired from above, yes, could it be? Ah ha! Someone had accidentally tripped the vacation
switch to OFF!! (I'll deal with them later). My Bunn was okay! O happy day!
Just thought I'd share how much my Bunn home coffee maker means to me.
Bunn Home Coffee Maker
Varooooooom Cream Please Submitted by: Sandra Lee Stewart, Texas
My husband, who is not familiar with the standard lingo of American coffee houses,
did not know that when ordering a coffee drink you need to tell them "with room for cream".
That way they don't fill your cup up too high and you can still fit your cream into your cup.
So, I send him off and tell him to order an Americano "with room for cream".
Well, he didn't hear me too clearly and walked up to the corner coffee house and said,
"I would like an Americano with varoom cream."
Needless to say the order taker had no idea what he was referring to.
Pour-o-Matics, Housekeepers & Land-o-Fills Submitted by: Jeffrey L. Gill
I live in the Smoky Mountains of North Carolina and had just returned from a delightful holiday trip to see my kids in Florida. But not one decent cup of coffee during the whole trip.
I was craving my Bunn Pour-o-Matic and a fresh pot of freshly ground Colombian coffee.
But, as I was soon to find out, it was not to be!
Evidently the "shower head" (spray head) attachment to my trusty brewing buddy had chosen that moment to
detach itself from the unit – into two pieces.
Thing is, water pours much more rapidly into the brew basket without the screw-on spray head.
Well, after cleaning up a countertop full of hot water and coffee grinds, I tried to re-attach said head.
No! "No coffee for you". So, I raced to the closest discount store – the only one around for 30 miles in these parts –
and forced myself to purchase a Mr. (gag) Coffee unit for lack of any Bunn product.
Bunn Home Coffee Maker
Now I have had a great relationship with Bunn, and knew that with a couple of phone calls or a quick note on the
Internet I'd be able to get a replacement spray head. But no such luck this time around.
I couldn't find a parts place anywhere.
So there I sat, drinking this watery beige looking swill that calls itself coffee but isn't suited to stain the seats of my truck.
I wanted my Bunn back!
But, in the meantime, a young lady who helps out around here had taken my Pour-o-Matic to the local Land-o-Fill
thinking that it had burned out or had lost it's will to brew. Gads! I raced to the dump to stop it all.
But by the time I got there, I only had time to see my trusty coffee crony get crushed by a giant mound of car parts!
Yes, my trusty Bunn companion had perished beneath a mountain of metal.
Gaaaaaahhhh! I screamed not being able to even kiss my sweet Bunn "bye-bye".
Weak java and tepid tea is my fate! Curse the housekeeper…(fade to black).
Anyone out there want to send me a new one? Let me know the replacement charge or shipping amount.
I know these are not covered by any kind of coffee insurance but one thing is for sure – I really liked that coffee maker.
Ladies, He Might be a Mick, but . . . Submitted by: Gurm Blansten
About 6 years ago when I was an apprentice roaster, a little Italian woman came into the shop I was running.
Her first question: "What's your nationality?"
"Irish" I quickly responded.
"Your a Mick. Shouldn't you be in a bar selling beer?"
I laughed it off and explained that I had been a barista for 4 years.
She then said, "I don't know what THAT is but I do know coffee seeing as I AM from little Italy."
So, in my best Italian accent, I asked "Where is the coffee capital of the world?"
"Italy, of course" was her fast retort.
"Sorry, try Seattle" I regretfully informed her. She just gave me a dirty look.
"Who invented the espresso machine?" I asked. The game was on!
Once again, she answered "Italy!"
"Hmmm, sorry, try the French!"
This little trivia game went on for another few minutes. After enjoying her espresso, she left the shop to go about her
daily business.
Don't get me wrong. I do understand the customer is always right.
But remember, this biz is about educating the customer also.
Well I didn't think I would ever see this lady again, but wouldn't you know it.
In she walks at the same time the very next day – accompanied by three other Italian lady friends.
This time, before I could even greet them, the first thing out of her mouth was
"Don't worry ladies. He might be a Mick, but he sure knows his coffee!"
Gimme a Double Shot of "Espresso Love" Submitted by: Sara Van Ee
This past summer I worked at Esquires Coffee House in Surrey, B.C. (Canada).
It was a place with a really cool atmosphere so guys would always be bringing their girlfriends by for coffee.
One night, a young teenage couple came in and I went to take their order. The girl ordered a mocha and,
after squinting at the menu for quite some time, the boy ordered a double shot of espresso.
"Pure espresso?" I asked, just to clarify. He nodded, trying to be all suave and impress the girl he was with.
"I get it all the time." He flashed a smile.
"Okay..." I said and made their drinks.
Bringing the drinks over to them was the funniest thing because I served the girl a huge bowl-mug topped with
whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles and the boy received a tiny 1" diameter cup filled with a
drink that he had obviously never had.
I couldn't hide my smile as I placed the cups respectively in their places. The boy's eyes widened in fear of the little cup
that had been placed before him as the girl slowly sipped her familiar drink and snickered at him.
"Go ahead- tell me how it is," I spoke up. He looked at me and smiled, still trying to look as if he drank a few every day.
He tipped the cup up to his lips and took a tiny sip. He immediatley spit it out right back into the cup as his face started
to make weird, disgusted expressions.
"Actually, I'll have what she's having.... this espresso is stronger than I'm used to" he then told me.
I raised my eyebrow at him and took the little cup from the table. "Sure," was all I had to say as I walked away quickly
to conceal my big smile. :)
Drinking Coffee Since Age 2 & Believe It! Submitted by: Ann Marshall
I have only my mother's recollections to pass on and she recently passed away at the age of 92.
According to her memories, we (my parents, my brother and I) were living in an old home which had been converted into apartments. It was in 1946-47.
Miss Sally, an older lady, lived a couple of houses down from us and thought I was adorable with my blond curls a la Shirley Temple. My mother would visit her and Miss Sally would sit me on her lap and give me teaspoons of her coffee, heavily sugared and creamed. Evidently, I liked it and continued to like it right through elementary school, high school, college and grad school.
I'm married and have seven children. I wish that I could say they all are coffee drinkers and make this story turn out right,
but only 4 of them are. Of course, that is a majority and, when we all gather for the holidays, majority rules.
Sally, the Chihuahua Caffeine Addict Submitted by: Ed Bradshaw
Yap, yap, yap: "I want my coffee now!" And as we all anxiously awaited, still wakening from the night's sleep,
my Aunt Merle went through the steps to brew us all that first pot of morning coffee. Sally continued to mutter in a low
growl – "C'mon, is it coffee yet?"
Yes, Sally was hooked on caffeine. A true caffeine addict. Never mind she was a dog. A pint-sized, blonde Chihuahua at that. Sally was a member of the family. And she drank her coffee just like everybody else – at the kitchen table.
Her hind legs carefully perched on Aunt Merle's lap, with her front paws straddling
either side of her cafeteria style coffee cup that rested near the table's edge.
Yes, cream and sugar was the order of the morning coffee ritual. Sally never drank it black - ever.
Two cups was the usual, then it was off to the races. Whoever was ready to play: fetch, tug-of-war with the towel...well,
you get the idea. Then, the same scenario unfolded after her afternoon nap, and yet another cup of coffee.
Sally's daily coffee ritual continued until she was well past the age of 15 (how many Lorne Greene years is that, anyway?).
Of course her age eventually reduced both the duration and intensity of her gleeful, high spirited,
caffeine-induced playfulness. Sally eventually left us many years ago between her morning and afternoon coffee.
Aunt Merle always said it was the coffee that helped Sally reach those older, golden years.
I can't help but think my Aunt Merle was right. This past Valentine's Day, her birthday, Aunt Merle reached the golden age
of 99. She still drinks her coffee everyday, too. In the morning, and in the afternoon.
Hurry up! Turn on the switch, pour in the water, and let's make some coffee.
I have a little catching up to do with my Aunt Merle – and Sally.
In New York City, it is customary to order your coffee Black, Light, Extra-Light, or Black-and-Sweet. However, coffee with milk and sugar is a "Regular Coffee."
